


Meet The Fam

by RageQueen89



Series: Egyptian God Tony [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ancient Egyptian Deities, Ancient Egyptian Literature & Mythology, Anubis!Tony, Baby Names, Egyptian God Tony Stark, LEGO Mindstorms, M/M, Mom Wants Grandkids, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, Protective Siblings, Siblings, Snarky Jarvis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:24:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7794541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageQueen89/pseuds/RageQueen89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky and the other Avengers meet Tony's god family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Horus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine Rami Malek as Horus. Several things influenced that, and yes, 'Night At The Museum' was one of them,
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://s2.photobucket.com/user/InsaneSeaTurtle/media/RP%20pics/Real%20Life%20Boys/2b79eb49-2541-4561-870c-203004145fba.jpg.html)  
> I still don't own anything and I'm not making any money off this.

In the months following Tony being outed as a god, very little changed. He and Bucky grew closer, developed schmoopy nicknames for each other, and generally made their friends gag. Tony told Pepper that he was a god and the woman was supremely unimpressed. After her initial moment of panic, she had informed him none-too-gently that his god status didn’t get him out of deadlines or board meetings. After, she had had then demanded he tell her everything about his new relationship with Bucky.

When she next saw him, Pepper politely informed Bucky that that she would murder him with her shoes should he make Tony unhappy.

Tony didn’t feel the need to hide quite so much from the rest of the team. It was discovered that he was far stronger than the average human. Bruce had found out when he went into Tony’s lab and found Tony physically moving a large piece of sheet metal. The sheet had to weigh at least two hundred pounds, but Tony moved like it was made of fluff. When Bruce asked, Tony just shrugged.

“It’s been a while since I actually tested,” he answered. “But last time I did was just before Afghanistan. I topped out at around four-hundred-fifty pounds.”

“That’s… not what I expected,” Bruce admitted. “That’s about what Steve can easily lift. I thought it would be more?”

“My body’s still human,” Tony reminded him, patting his chest. “Just because there’s a god in here doesn’t mean I’m not squishy.” He made a considering face. “When I was younger and, y’know, had the literal body of a god, I could lift a lot more. Probably could have given Thor a run for his money. Gave Loki a run for his more than once.”

Word of Tony’s strength got around the other Avengers. When Steve heard, he excitedly challenged Tony to a spar. Tony just smiled, showing all of his teeth and reminding Bucky of the jackal he was likened to. Everyone gathered to watch. The sparring match turned into a wrestling match very quickly. Tony pulled some move that had even Natasha raising an impressed eyebrow and pinned Steve down. Bucky would not deny that he was incredibly turned on by the end of the bout. If he dragged Tony away to ravish afterwards, well, could anybody really blame him?

Despite Tony’s warning that his pantheon family would probably begin to show up, none did. Tony didn’t seem too worried about it, so Bucky took his cues from him. Eventually, though, they began to make themselves known...

“My mother is coming to visit,” Tony announced one night as they sat at the dinner table.

“Something tells me you don’t mean Mama Stark,” Sam commented.

“Isis,” Tony replied. “And that means Horus, will probably visit, too. It’s been quite a while since we last got together.”

“Any particular reason why?” Steve asked.

“Celebrity status,” Tony said with a shrug. “In previous lives, they visited a lot more. Tony Stark is in the public eye more often. Mother doesn’t care to be exposed to that, and Horus would rather read the gossip mags than be in them.”

“And then you had people who didn’t know living with you,” Sam guessed.

“That, too,” Tony agreed. “But now that you guys know, they’ll be around more often.”

“So we should expect gods lounging on the couch randomly?” Clint chuckled.

“Something like that,” Tony said with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Their visitors arrived a few days later. At the time, Clint and Natasha were playing Mario Kart. Bucky was watching from a separate couch. Steve sat next to him, sketching. Tony suddenly hurried into the room, a look of anticipation on his face. He was practically bouncing in place.

“Tony?” Bucky called, getting his lover’s attention.

“I have a visitor,” Tony explained. Bucky heard the significance in Tony’s voice, as did the others. Steve set down his sketchpad. Natasha and Clint paused their game. Bucky stood up and hovered awkwardly, eyes fixed on the elevator. Another minute passed before the doors slid open. Out stepped a… actually, Bucky wasn’t sure if they were a man or a woman. They were dressed like a man in jeans, a blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to their elbows, and a grey vest. However, upon closer inspection, the vest actually laced up the back like a corset. Their face was made up like one of the ladies on Darcy’s reality shows, and they wore drops of gold and lapis lazuli in their ears.

They immediately zeroed in on Tony. “Big brother!” they exclaimed. Ah, that would be Horus, Bucky guessed. Tony grinned and opened his arms to pull Horus into a hug. The two embraced for a long moment before Horus stepped away and looked at Tony.

“Holy crap, am I actually taller than you?!” they gasped.

“You are not!” Tony hissed. “Your damn boots add two inches. Take ‘em off and we’ll measure.” Bucky sneaked a look at Horus’s feet and smiled at the stylish high-heeled boots they wore.

Horus snickered, hopping a little in their joy. “I missed you!” they exclaimed. They touched their forehead to Tony’s for a second before pulling back. “I keep up with your celebrity gossip every chance I get. That shit is hilarious!” A very familiar manic grin lit their face. “Although _please_ tell me that the rumor that you’re sleeping with the whole team is true. They’re all gorgeous and I can’t help but imagine the orgies...”

Steve made a choking noise and Bucky just grinned. He decided he liked Horus.

“I’m not sleeping with the whole team,” Tony said, shaking his head. Horus pouted; there really was no other word for it. “They do live with me, though. Want to meet them?”

“Yes!” Horus exclaimed, brightening immediately. Tony hooked an arm through their elbow and turned them around. Horus was grinning so hard Bucky thought they might burst.

“This isn’t all of them. We’re missing a few,” Tony explained to their guest. He regarded the Avengers present. “Guys, this is Horus. Ze’s my younger sibling.” Bucky mentally adjusted his pronouns. “Horus, these are the Avengers.” He pointed them out in turn. “That’s Natasha, Steve, Clint, and my boyfriend, James.”

Horus’s grin widened. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all!” ze exclaimed. Ze turned to address Bucky directly. “Especially you! It’s been a long time since Anubis introduced a lover to the family.” Ze held out zir hand and Bucky shook it. He couldn’t help but smile in return.

“It’s a pleasure,” he replied. “I’m really glad to meet Tony’s family.”

“You’ll get to meet Mom in a few days,” Horus continued. Ze turned to address Tony. “We visited a little before she sent me ahead. She’s settling a few things with her staff before she makes her appearance. One of her maids is trying to have a baby and there’s been some trouble, so Mom’s going to help out. Discreetly.”

“Of course she is,” Tony stated, ushering Horus towards the couches. “Does the maid _know_ , or…?”

“Nope, she has no idea,” Horus sighed, making it sound for all the world like this was normal, everyday gossip. Ze took a seat, crossing zir legs. Tony plopped down next to zir, and Bucky sat on the end of the couch Clint and Natasha were using. “But Mom just has to get involved. I suppose that one maid will be thrilled, though I wonder about the rest of her staff that might get a shot of the whammy.”

“Isis is the fertility goddess, right?” Clint asked.

Horus nodded. “Last time this happened, four of Mom’s employees ended up pregnant instead of jut the one intended,” ze described. “It was ridiculous! But Mom loves being surrounded with that sort of thing. Expecting women, children, that sort of thing.” Ze turned a commiserating look on Tony. “I think she does it because we haven’t given her any grandchildren upon whom to dote.”

“Hey, she’s got Qebhet!” Tony reminded him.

“Qebhet is too old to be doted upon,” Horus pointed out. “Mom’s actually been making noise about grandchildren, again. Be warned: she’ll probably corner you and James to ask when she might expect some.”

Bucky froze, eyes wide. That… hadn’t even crossed his mind. He hadn’t dared to assume that he could be a father after everything that had happened. Even if he had assumed, he and Tony had only started dating a few months ago. Things may have changed, but Bucky figured that a few months wasn’t long enough to bring up children.

Apparently Tony felt the same way. “We’ve only been together for a few months,” he protested. “That hasn’t even been an idea, before now.” He turned to Bucky. “That is going to happen and I apologize in advance. If she corners you, just let her know that you’re uncomfortable and then flee the room. Don’t try to be polite about it. Just run away. No one will think less of you for it.”

“Like that’s ever worked before,” Horus scoffed. “Mom’s as determined as everyone’s favorite momager.”

“Your obsession with the Kardashians is terrifying,” Tony sighed.

“Hey, Kourtney and Kim have fantastic taste in lipstick and Kim’s eyeliner is always on-point,” Horus defended.

“And Khloe has such amazing shoes!” Clint exclaimed. Horus gave Clint a calculating look.

“What is your opinion on _Dog Cops_?” ze finally asked.

“I’ve seen every single episode to date,” Clint answered immediately.

Horus grinned again. “You and I are going to get along just fine.”

 

* * *

 

Horus seemed to fit right in with the tower’s residents. Ze went shopping with Darcy, Natasha, and Pepper, made dinner with Bruce, and watched at least three seasons of _Dog Cops_ with Clint. Ze bonded with Sam over flying, since ze was the Egyptian sky god and could fly zirself. In addition, ze had somehow, along with Darcy, convinced Steve and Thor to let zir put make-up on them. Bucky wasn’t sure how ze had done it, but both Steve and Thor looked amazing afterwards.

Though ze didn’t appear to have the engineering genius that Tony did, ze was a whiz with computers. According to the research Bucky and Natasha may or may not have done (no, Steve, they were _not_ running a background check, they were much more thorough than that!), zir legal name was Elliot and ze worked in cybersecurity. With JARVIS’s direction, they discovered that ze was also a “white hat” hacker, as well, delving through the underbelly of the internet and rooting out the bad guys.

Horus’s computer genius complimented Tony’s engineering and robotics genius very well. It surprised absolutely no one that the two of them spent hours in the lab together. Bruce joined them every so often, but for the most part, the siblings were left to their own devices. During one such workshop binge, Bucky had gone inside to find them in the midst of an all-out Lego Mindstorm battle. Dozens of tiny robots skittered across the floor, fighting amongst themselves. Horus was at one end of the shop, and Tony was at the other. DUM-E hovered somewhere between them, clutching the fire extinguisher in his claw.

“Forward, Minions!” Horus bellowed. Ze was standing on one of the workbenches, looking far more intense and threatening than anyone in a tulle skirt should. There was a chorus of beeps and whirs as a new swarm of robots appeared. Tony let out a squawk of outrage as the swarm obliterated a good chunk of his forces. Horus let out a roar of triumph, throwing zir hands into the air. Zir eyes were wild with battle lust. Bucky could only stare, slightly unnerved by the sight of the normally cheerful and sunny Horus looking so bloodthirsty.

As if sensing Bucky’s gaze on zir, ze swung towards the lab entrance. Their eyes met and Horus looked at Bucky very intently. It reminded Bucky of the way a predator looked at prey. A dangerous little smirk appeared on Horus’s face. At the back of Bucky’s mind, the Soldier stirred, sensing a threat and preparing to react...

DUM-E chose that moment to douse Horus with the fire extinguisher. Horus and Tony were both suddenly preoccupied with the foam-spewing bot. Bucky was able to back out of the lab and go back to the common room. The Soldier faded away once more.

Later that evening, Horus was on the balcony smoking a cigarette. Tony had watched zir for a long while getting up to join zir. Curious, Bucky shifted so he could see and hear a bit better. His enhanced hearing picked up the conversation even though the two were outside normal hearing range.

“You’ve heard from Uncle Seth, recently,” Horus stated.

“Not really,” Tony replied. “His beasts caused some chaos a while back, but I haven’t heard from Seth himself, yet.”

“Hmm,” Horus muttered. The intense look returned to zir face.

“Horus,” Tony began, “let it go. It has been several thousand years. That’s long enough.” There was a pause as Horus considered Tony’s words. After a moment, ze shook zir head and flicked zir cigarette away.

“I think I need to do some hunting,” ze said softly. Bucky shuddered at the intent in that sentence. It wasn’t outright malicious, but it definitely wasn’t benevolent, either.

Tony’s gaze turned calculating, as if he were trying to decide whether or not to argue. After a moment, he sighed. “Well, best of luck,” he told Horus. “Think you’ll be gone longer than a day or so?”

“Hopefully not,” Horus said. “Don’t wait up.” There was a flutter of wings, and Horus disappeared. A falcon flew away from the balcony and disappeared into the night.

Bucky stepped out of the shadows to take Horus’s place at Tony’s elbow. “What was that about?” he asked curiously.

“Just Horus being zirself,” Tony explained.

“Ze do that a lot?” Bucky continued. “The whole… intense focus thing, where ze looks like ze’s going to eat you?”

“Sometimes,” Tony replied. “Ultimately, ze is the god of war and of hunting. Just as I am Anubis and Tony, ze is Horus and Elliot. Thus, Horus swings from sweet, mild-mannered computer geek to hunter and war god in an instant. It’s part of what makes zir such a good hacker; to zir, hacking is just another kind of hunt in a different kind of war.” Tony snorted in amusement. “Hades help everyone if ze ever sets zir sights on corporate America.”

Bucky looped an arm around Tony’s shoulders and tugged him close. He pressed a kiss to Tony’s hair. “You’re worried,” he said after a minute or so. It wasn’t a question; Bucky could feel the tension in Tony’s shoulders.

“I’m zir big brother,” Tony pointed out. “I always worry. Especially when Uncle Seth is involved.” He turned and burrowed into Bucky’s chest. “Mom will be here tomorrow morning. She’s usually able to distract zir when ze gets focused on Seth.”

“Are you seriously going to tattle to your mother?” Bucky chuckled.

“Excuse me, I do not tattle,” Tony answered. “I just know to pick my battles. This is not a battle that I am equipped for, so I let Mom do it for me.”

Bucky laughed and pressed another kiss to Tony’s hair. “Sounds like tattling, Dollface," he insisted. "I can’t wait to meet her.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Mr. Robot reference.
> 
> I honestly have no idea where Horus came from. I was researching, and then writing, but then ze went, "Nope, I want to do THIS!" And voila, Horus became a cheerful, well-dressed, somewhat blood-thirsty genderfluid cinnamon roll with an affinity for computers. (Sorry not sorry.)
> 
> I'm not a hacker and all I know is what I found online. Apologies for any mistakes.


	2. Isis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mother Dearest makes her appearance, and Tony and Horus definitely revert to sullen teenagers in her presence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine the lovely Gina Torres as Isis.  
> [](http://s2.photobucket.com/user/InsaneSeaTurtle/media/4e24bb54-5585-4bed-9854-179a34bf6450.jpg.html)

Tony had JARVIS alert everyone of his mother’s impending arrival. After that, he had allowed Bucky to coax him into bed. The night passed without incident, and when Bucky woke to go running with Steve the next morning, Tony was still dead to the world. Bucky and Steve went running and ended up chasing each other around the park. Upon returning home, Bucky immediately jumped into the shower.

As he was finishing getting dressed, JARVIS spoke up.

_ “Sergeant Barnes,” _ the AI began.  _ “Sir would like to request that you accompany him to the communal kitchen.” _

Bucky blinked. “Sure. Is everything all right?” he asked.

_ “Sir’s mother has arrived,” _ JARVIS replied.  _ “She is making breakfast in the communal kitchen. It appears that she has convinced Agent Barton to assist her with the waffles.” _

Bucky’s eyebrows went up. “All right,” he agreed, heading for the elevator. It opened as he approached. Tony was already waiting inside. “Are you okay?”

“Fine, I’m fine,” Tony answered immediately. He fidgeted slightly, which told Bucky that Tony wasn’t nearly as fine as he said he was. “It’s just Mom, after all. What could go wrong? It’ll be fine. She’ll love you; everyone loves you, what’s not to love?” Tony’s fidgeting got more noticeable. “Just breakfast. With the team. And my mother.”

“Hey,” Bucky interrupted. He reached over and tugged Tony against him. “It’ll be okay, yeah?” He pressed little kisses to Tony’s mouth and felt Tony relax little by little. “We’re just going to go upstairs and have breakfast. Your mom can’t say anything that Steve and Natasha haven’t already said. Questions about kids included.”

Tony raised an eyebrow incredulously. “Did Natasha really ask you if we’re having kids?”

“More like demanded to know  _ when _ we’re having them because she wants to be тетя Tasha,” Bucky corrected. Tony let out a shaky laugh. “Steve was almost as bad; he suggested names.”

“What names?” Tony’s face said he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

“Charles and Allison.”

“Not as bad as I feared,” Tony admitted with a shrug.

The elevator doors opened, then, admitting them to the communal floor. Tony led the way into the kitchen, where a woman with a mass of black hair and regal features was bustling about. The kitchen island had filled with chopped fruit, whipped cream, peanut butter, jam, powdered sugar, chocolate sauce, and other things that could be considered waffle toppings. Clint was standing at the counter, eyes on two double-plated waffle makers. A small tower of waffles sat on the counter to his left. Natasha was sitting at the kitchen island nursing a cup of coffee.

“Something tells me we’re a bit late,” Bucky said to Tony. The woman looked up from where she was mixing something in a large bowl and smiled. The expression lit up her face as she reached for Tony.

“Anubis, darling,” she cooed. Tony went to her and soon the two were tangled in a hug. 

“Hi, Mom,” Tony said softly.

“It’s been too long, my boy,” Isis replied. She pulled back. “Come here. Let me look at you.” She took a step back and looked Tony up and down. Bucky was amused to see that Tony was an inch or two shorter than she was. “You look much better than when I last saw you. Are you actually getting regular food and decent sleep, these days?”

“That is entirely Bucky’s fault,” Tony replied. Isis turned to look at Bucky, one eyebrow raised. There was a little smirk on her face. Bucky just smiled politely in return.

“I will happily take the blame for that,” he replied. Isis’s smile widened.

“Mom, I’d like to introduce James Barnes,” Tony butt in. “We call him Bucky. Bucky, this is Isis, my mom.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ma’am,” Bucky replied, offering his hand to shake.

“The pleasure is mine, James,” Isis replied, extending her own hand in return. “I’ve heard much about you, lately. I’m glad to finally make your acquaintance.” Bucky released her hand and moved to join Natasha at the island. 

“Come,” Isis ordered Tony. “Help us finish breakfast. Where is Horus?”

“JARVIS?” Tony called, glancing at the ceiling as he moved around the island.

_ “Horus returned to the tower at approximately 2:45am, _ ” the AI explained.  _ “Ze is on zir way upstairs. Captain Rogers, Mr. Wilson, and Dr. Banner have joined zir in the elevator.” _

“Thank you, JARVIS, darling,” Isis said.

_ “You are quite welcome, Grandmother,” _ JARVIS replied. Bucky blinked, trying to process the fact that the robotic butler had just addressed a goddess as  _ grandmother _ . As Bucky thought it over, he realized that it made sense. Tony thought of his bots as his children; he had told Bucky so himself. So of course they would see Tony’s mother as their grandmother. And judging by the little smile on Isis’s face, she enjoyed it.

The elevator dinged, spilling Steve, Sam, Bruce, and Horus onto the communal floor. Everyone crowded into the kitchen, Horus making a beeline for zir mother. Ze was rather disheveled, looking for all the world like ze had just woken and not bothered to put zirself together, yet.

“Morning, Mom,” ze mumbled, wrapping zir arms around Isis. Isis set down what she was doing and turned to embrace her child properly.

“Good morning, my child,” she crooned. “Did you sleep well?” In answer, Horus just muttered something and buried zir face in Isis’s shoulder. Isis chuckled, rubbing up and down Horus’s back a few times. “Come on, up you get.”

Horus obeyed, pulling zirself away from Isis and allowing her to look zir over. Isis’s brow furrowed slightly, obviously seeing something she didn’t like.

“Are you eating enough?” she asked. “You look like you’ve lost weight.”

“I’m fine, Mom,” Horus insisted.

“You have bags under your eyes,” Isis continued. “And your skin is pale.”

“Agh, Moooooooom!” Horus groaned as Isis fussed over zir. Bucky fought to keep a grin off his face. Horus was the very picture of a sullen teenager.

Breakfast preparation continued, and the rest of the introductions were made. Horus inhaled half a pot of coffee and morphed into a functioning person. Soon, everyone was sitting down to eat. As with Horus, the entire team engaged Isis, curious about her. Bucky knew it was because she was a goddess and because she was Tony’s mother. Thus, the meal was packed with questions. In this reincarnation, Isis’s name was Jessica Pearson, who was the managing partner at a successful law firm. She and Natasha spent ten minutes discussing shoes, with Horus chiming in every so often. Isis decreed that a shopping trip would be planned sometime during her stay.

At one point, Isis asked about their work as the Avengers. The team eagerly began offering stories about their favorite and least favorite missions. The one that everyone seemed to agree was the worst encounter had involved an experimental zombie plague. Thankfully, the virus didn’t create “true” zombies in the sense that those bitten didn’t end up turning themselves.

“I’ve experienced zombification,” Isis offered at the end of the tale. “It’s very unpleasant. I don’t recommend it at all.” Everyone stared at her for a few seconds. Their eyes shifted to Tony, silently asking for an explanation.

Tony just shrugged. “It’s a long story, and you really don’t want to know.” He shook his head. “Trust me on this one.”

Breakfast wound down and the team dispersed. Bucky remained in the kitchen to help Steve with the dishes. Horus, Tony, and Isis gathered at the island, talking amongst themselves the way family did. Every so often, Bucky looked at Tony and saw that his lover looked relaxed in a way he usually wasn’t. Being with his mother and sibling was definitely doing him good.

“So, James,” Isis eventually began. Bucky got an uneasy feeling at her tone. “How long have you and Anubis been together?”

“Here we go,” Horus muttered into zir coffee.

“Six months, or so,” Bucky replied.

“Hmm,” Isis hummed. “You’re happy with him?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Bucky answered. “He makes me very happy.”

“Mom,” Tony sighed, “don’t. Please?”

“Don’t what, my boy?” Isis asked, innocence appearing in her expression. “I’m just trying to determine whether or not I should expect anything more from this.”

“Mom, it’s been six months,” Tony grumped. “ _ Months _ . Anything long-term hasn’t even been a footnote, at this point. We’re a little busy saving the world.”

“Well, none of us are getting any younger,” Isis pointed out. “It’s been hundreds of years and I really would like grandchildren, at some point.” She smiled pleasantly at Bucky, and Bucky realized that he was really not as prepared for this as he thought he was. “Have you given any thought to the possibility, James?” 

Bucky felt his face heat as he blushed. “I, uh-”

“I’ve honestly started thinking of names,” Isis continued. “What do you think of Octavian?”

“Oh, my god, Mom!” Tony groaned. He got to his feet. “Y’know what? I think Bucky and I need to vacate for a little while.” He gently gripped Bucky’s arm and began towing him towards the elevator. “Make yourself at home. Let JARVIS know if you need anything.” JARVIS shut the elevator doors, but not before Isis’s laughter reached them.

Tony let out a noise that was half frustration and half embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he said to Bucky. “I know I warned you, but I’m really sorry about her.”

“Don’t apologize,” Bucky told him. He reached out and pulled Tony to him, curling around the smaller man. He wasn’t sure who needed the comfort more, just then. “You did warn me. I was expecting it, but it did catch me off-guard. She’s a lot…  _ more _ … than I expected.”

“She’s thinking of  _ names _ ,” Tony muttered, leaning back to look Bucky in the eye. “What the hell kind of name is Octavian, anyway?”

“You should have heard what Clint suggested,” Bucky scoffed. “Sam’s input was only marginally better. Thor had some, too. Do you have any idea how hilarious it is to have a Norse god offer you advice on baby names?”

“Fuck, has  _ everybody _ discussed us having kids  _ except _ us?” Tony groaned. He let himself tilt forward to bury his face in Bucky’s chest.

“I think JARVIS might not have,” Bucky chuckled.

_ “If I might interject, Sir, _ ” JARVIS put in. Bucky could hear a touch of amusement in his voice.  _ “I think I might very much like to have a younger brother or sister.” _ Bucky snickered. Tony just groaned theatrically and leaned back so he could glare at JARVIS’s camera.

“I am 110% percent certain I didn’t program you to be this much of a little shit,” he told the AI.

_ “You programmed me to learn, Sir,” _ JARVIS reminded him placidly.  _ “I have learned from the best.” _

Bucky cracked up. Tony just glared at him, too. “Sass,” he grumbled. He put his head back into Bucky’s chest. “I get nothing but sass. No respect. I am a literal god, how is it that I get this much sass?”

“We only do it because we love you,” Bucky informed him. He felt Tony freeze in his arms. Thankfully, he had been expecting it. “Yup, you heard that right. I said it. I love you. You and your crazy family.”

Tony looked up at him, eyes wide. His mouth worked frantically, but no sound came out. Bucky raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never seen you speechless, before,” Bucky commented. “Normally I have to kiss you to shut you up.”

“You just-” Tony finally stammered. “Did you really just…?”

“Just what?” Bucky wanted to know. “Confess love? Yeah, I really did. I can say it again, if you need me to. I love you.” He leaned forward and kissed Tony’s forehead. “I love the way you look when you get excited about something. I love watching you work, you’re so beautiful when you’re in your element, you know. I love how you are with your bots, even though we all know that your threats to turn them into hat racks are complete bullshit-”

“Hey!” Tony squawked.

“-and I love the way you take care of everybody around you,” Bucky went on. “Even if you do it in such a way that most wouldn’t realize that’s what you’re doing. I love that you’re a closet mom-friend, and I love how you worry about us. About me. I love how brave you are.” Bucky smiled down at Tony. “I love you, Tony. Anubis. Dollface. I love all of you. You’re it for me, you know. I can’t imagine anyone else I’d wanna spend my life with.”

During his little speech, Tony had continued to stare at him in disbelief. By the time Bucky had finished, Tony’s eyes were shining a little, but he was smiling. Tony ducked his head again, clinging to Bucky tightly.

“I love you, too,” Tony replied. His voice was a little wobbly. Bucky’s heart sang with joy, and he thought he might have smiled wide enough to crack his face in two. He tightened his arms around Tony and just held his lover, rocking them back and forth a little bit. As they rocked, Bucky felt Tony relax again, shoulders loosening as the tension left.

“I think I rather like the name Charlotte,” Bucky said after another minute. Tony snorted and pulled back to look up at him.

“Charlotte is good,” he agreed. “We’re not naming anyone Octavian, though! Mom’s got another thing coming if that’s what she’s expecting!” Bucky just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spot the Suits reference.
> 
> BONUS: Spot the Hercules reference
> 
> тетя - Russian for 'Aunt' (courtesy of Google).
> 
> I'm really sorry this chapter took so long. Life went nuts... I got married, and then school started immediately after, and I've only recently had time to write. So thanks for waiting! I love you all. <3


	3. Seth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally meet Seth. Nobody likes Seth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I agonized over who I should use for Seth for so long. I considered lots of people, but none of them quite fit, which just made writing Seth that much harder. A lot of the people I looked at had great, “Bitch, please” faces, but I wanted more of a, “Bitch, you know it” face. Eventually, I found the perfect one and nearly slapped myself for not thinking of it earlier. Ladies and gentlemen, TIM FUCKING CURRY.
> 
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> 
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Isis’s addition gave the tower a feeling that was decidedly motherly. She seemed to think that all of them needed mothering. She also decided that none of them ate enough and forced food on them as often as she could. Isis also demolished Bucky’s record for prying Tony out of the lab. The secret, apparently, was not coffee, as everyone had assumed; it was some Egyptian dessert that Bucky had never heard of. Isis had had JARVIS announce she was making it and both Tony and Horus had come running. Bucky had promptly begged her for the recipe and she had happily agreed.

Also, Isis was an absolute joy in the kitchen. Bucky decided he loved cooking with her.

The day before both Isis and Horus were scheduled to leave, everyone had congregated on the common floor. Bucky and Isis bustled about making two different types of pie and one type of sponge cake that nobody had heard of before. Tony and Clint were playing Mario Kart, swearing up a storm. Sam was watching, egging both of them on. Natasha and Bruce were nestled on the other couch reading books with Thor between them. Steve was in his armchair, sketching. Horus had wandered off with Jane and Darcy to paint their nails.

“Is it just me, or is it really hot in here? ” Clint suddenly wanted to know.

“It does seem a bit warm,” Bruce agreed. “I thought it was because Thor runs hot.”

“JARVIS, temperature?” Tony called.

“The internal temperature is approximately ninety-five degrees Fahrenheit,” JARVIS answered promptly. “I have been trying to bring it back to normal levels for the past several minutes. Despite my efforts, the temperature continues to climb.”

Tony and Isis exchanged a look. “You get Horus, I’ll get these guys,” Tony finally said. Isis nodded and began to extract herself from the kitchen. Tony turned to the Avengers. “Everybody out,” he ordered. He stood up and began to make shooing motions. “Right now. Everybody out. Get. Fuck off. _Go_.”

“Why?” Sam asked, setting his book down.

“We have incoming,” Tony replied. “It’s Seth, and he’s one family member I really don’t want you guys to meet. In fact, I don’t want him anywhere near any of you, so get out.”

The room was suddenly tense as Avengers began to extract themselves. Before they could get very far, there was a loud crack and a flash of light. Bucky blinked rapidly to clear away the sudden spots that appeared in his vision. Standing in the middle of the common room was a middle-aged man. He had dark hair that was threaded with gray, and a neatly trimmed goatee. His eyes were red; not even reddish brown, but the bright red of blood. The man was well-dressed in an expensive maroon suit that had been expertly tailored. He exuded an air of competence and authority, but there was something else beneath it all that Bucky didn’t like. Just being in the room with him made Bucky feel slimey…

“Good afternoon,” the man announced. His voice was smooth and cultured, like fine whiskey. His accent was decidedly British. “I do hope I’m not interrupting.” The man turned his gaze around the room and Bucky held in a shudder. It felt like the air got stickier when the man looked at him.

“Uncle Seth,” Tony began, moving away from the group. “This is unexpected.”

Seth’s answering smile wasn’t so much a smile as it was a baring of teeth. “Well, I heard that you were having a little family get-together,” he replied. He turned and regarded Isis. “Hello, dear sister. You look lovely. Your latest reincarnation has been kind to you.”

Isis smiled frostily. “Thank you,” she replied. “What do you want?”

“Can I not simply drop in on my favorite nephews?” Seth asked. The statement seemed innocent enough, but there was something decidedly sinister about it. Bucky narrowed his eyes and felt the Soldier stir in the back of his mind. There was no doubt that this man was a threat to Tony, definitely to Horus, and likely to the rest of them as well. “It’s been so long since we were last together, the four of us. I hadn’t received an invitation, but does family truly _need_ one?”

“Excuse me,” Isis murmured. Bucky could see her gritting her teeth. She turned and calmly left the room without a backward glance.

“I had honestly not thought to invite you,” Tony said bluntly, all attention on Seth. “Every time you’re in the same room with Horus, you two try to kill each other and I honestly like zir more than I like you, so I thought I would just leave you out of this one.” He gave Seth an unimpressed look. “So would you kindly do us a favor and fuck off? Because I really don’t want to have to introduce my friends to you. I actually like these ones and don’t need you scaring them off.”

Seth tossed his head back and laughed, and it was like something out of a Bond movie where the villain was _really_ good. Hell, Bucky was pretty sure that Seth’s laugh could make _all_ Bond villains turn green with envy. Seth’s laugh sent a nervous tremor racing across Bucky’s body. He felt the soldier’s calm push to the forefront of his consciousness, and he reached for one of the many knives on his person.

“Anubis, you always were a willful brat,” Seth chuckled. “I should have murdered you in infancy when I had the chance.”

“Yeah, you and half the other idiot bad guys I’ve put down recently,” Tony snapped back. The air around him wavered, suddenly, as if Tony were putting out too much heat. “I’m certainly not going to let you finish the job, now.”

“Shall I try?” Seth asked, voice low and dangerous. His smile didn’t change at all. Bucky drew his knife and began to move. Before he could get more than a step, there was a blast of force that shoved everyone away from Tony. An orange burst of light engulfed them all, and a second later Horus appeared.

“Good afternoon, Uncle,” Horus said with a feral smile. Zir eyes were wild and burned with all the intensity of the sun. “Back away from my big brother, if you please.” A long spear materialized in one of zir hands.

“Horus,” Seth returned. He brushed off his suit before standing up straight again. “You’re looking well.” He gave Horus a once-over. “I love what you’ve done with your toes.”

Despite being in full-on war god mode, Horus brightened. “Thank you!” ze exclaimed. Bucky looked down at Horus’s feet and saw the delicately painted toes wiggling in apparent satisfaction.

“Is that a stained glass effect?” Seth wanted to know, arching an eyebrow. The sudden change in atmosphere had Bucky’s mind skidding to a halt. What?

“It is!” Horus exclaimed, bouncing a little bit. Bucky looked around at the other Avengers. They looked just as bewildered as he did. Bucky tried to get a look at Tony, because seriously, what the hell was going on?

“Delightful,” Seth murmured. “Did you do this yourself?”

What. The. Hell?!

“Darcy did them,” Horus answered. “She’s amazing.” Bucky was mentally doing anxious somersaults and- wait. Was he dreaming, or was Horus blushing a little bit?

Apparently he wasn’t dreaming, because Seth caught it, too. “Your easy attachment to mortals continues to astound me,” he sighed. The man looked around, again, taking them all in. He stopped at Thor. “Though it does appear you and Anubis have made a new immortal friend, as well.” He narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, considering the big Asgardian. “Big, bulky, and blond… you must be of the Norse pantheon, yes?”

“Yes,” Thor replied, nodding cordially. “I am Thor Odinson, god of thunder.”

“Charmed,” Seth drawled, though his tone suggested he was anything but. “You’re the Trickster’s older brother.” He found Tony again. “The pale, skinny thing you kept bringing home; what was his name? Larry? Loofah?”

“Loki,” Thor supplied.

“Yes, that’s the one,” Seth said. “Is the Allfather still kicking?”

“Kicking?” Thor asked.

“He means alive,” Tony put in.

“Oh,” Thor replied. “Yes, he is alive and well, to my knowledge.”

“Hmm,” Seth muttered. “Pity.” He turned to Horus and Tony, ignoring Thor again. “So, with the exception of the baby storm god, you’re content to surround yourself with mortals?” The disdain the older god put into the word made it obvious how he felt about the matter. “You _do_ realize they’re just going to die in the space of a blink, yes? They’re barely worth the notice.”

Aaaaaand the war god was back. “My mortals are awesome,” Horus declared. “Leave them be.”

“Oh, foolish child,” Seth sighed patronizingly. “You’ll learn.” There was another flash, this one from Seth’s movement. A huge curved blade appeared in his hand. Horus let out a war cry and lunged for Seth. Seth, self-satisfied grin still firmly in place, met zir head on. Their weapons clashed in a brilliant shower of sparks and a wave of force that rattled everything in the room around them.

“Shit!” Sam shrieked, diving for cover. The other Avengers weren’t far behind. Seth and Horus clashed with a brilliant shower of sparks.

 **“ _Atgllia sec mit!_** ” Tony bellowed. **_“Begone!”_**

There was a twist in the world around them and then a sudden pop. Both Horus and Seth were gone an instant later. Tony sagged back against the wall with a sigh of relief.

“It’s safe to come out, now,” Tony called. Isis hurried into the room from where she had been lurking around the corner.

“What the hell just happened?!” Sam demanded, popping up from behind the couch.

“I banished them,” Tony replied.

“You can do that?” Bucky asked, frowning in confusion.

“Sometimes,” Tony said with a shrug. “It’s honestly a shot in the dark with Seth. It always is when you’re dealing with a chaos deity.”

“Where did you send them?” Isis demanded. “You didn’t banish them to the same place, did you?”

“No, of course not,” Tony scoffed. “Horus got sent to the tower basement. Seth I dropped in the middle of a bog in Russia.” Tony grinned craftily. “At the very least, I ruined his suit. Will you help me Seth-proof the tower?”

“You know that won’t hold him forever,” Isis reminded him.

“It doesn’t need to be forever,” Tony sighed. “Just long enough for Horus to come out of war god mode and go back into mild-mannered hacker mode.” He turned to regard the other Avengers. “Everybody out. I don’t care where you go, but I need the room clear. Get!” With that, Tony herded them all into the elevator. It was a bit of a tight fit with everyone there, but Tony hadn’t exactly given them time to do much else.

“Since when can Tony do magic?!” Clint demanded, looking around the elevator at Bucky.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Bucky grunted with a shrug. “This isn’t something he’s mentioned.”

“You all seem remarkably calm about the fact that two Egyptian gods just tried to curb-stomp each other,” Sam mused.

“Such fights are normal in Asgard,” Thor offered with a shrug.

“Come on, you cannot tell me that two not-quite human guys picking a fight in the living room is the weirdest thing you’ve seen,” Clint scoffed. “The weirdest thing about that exchange was how they stopped to talk nail polish in the middle.” There was a chorus of agreements from the others. “Though the magic thing is throwing me for a loop, I’ll admit.”

“You’re the one that did all the mythology research,” Steve pointed out. “Did you read anything about magic?”

“Well, _yeah_ ,” Clint argued. “But Tony _hates_ magic. I’m pretty sure it’s in his bottom top ten things, along with newspapers and being handed things.”

“You can ask him later,” Natasha proposed. “For now, I vote lunch. Tacos?”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t _hate_ magic,” Tony objected later, after they had all been allowed back onto the common floor. They had settled on the various couches and chairs, all looking at Tony with expectant faces. Horus had fallen out of war god mode and had wandered off to find Darcy, presumably to finish the nails that hadn’t gotten painted earlier.

“Actually, Doll, you’ve been pretty adamant about the hating magic bit,” Bucky reminded him.

“Okay, so I kind of hate magic a little bit,” Tony confessed. “Lots of people pursue magic because they want an easy fix.” He made a disgusted face. “There is nothing _easy_ about magic and too many people forget that or don’t know it at all.”

“So what’s your beef with Dr. Strange?” Steve inquired.

“He likes to think he knows the secrets of the universe,” Tony grumped. “He does know some, but not nearly as many as he likes to think or make other people think.”

“You’re just upset because he beat all your Robot Unicorn scores,” Clint quipped.

“Hush you,” Tony shot back.

“Robot Unicorn?” Steve echoed.

“I’ll show you later,” Natasha promised.

“So what’s the deal with Seth?” Sam voiced.

“Every family has that one person that nobody wants to introduce non-family to,” Tony sighed, rubbing his face. “Seth is ours. He’s the Egyptian god of chaos and disorder, as well as storms and the desert, which is why the temperature spikes when he’s around.”

“So he murdered Osiris,” Clint put in. “And Horus was born to avenge Osiris. So… whenever they’re nearby, they try to kill each other?”

“Pretty much,” Tony agreed. “I try to keep them apart as much as possible… I don’t really want either of them to die. I can usually steer Seth off by providing him with a suitable distraction. Horus is the one that latched on and won’t let go.”

“Wait, isn’t Seth, like...evil?” Sam clarified.

“He’s not evil per se,” Tony denied. “It’s… he’s a chaos deity. He sows discord and mayhem wherever he goes. It’s just what he _does_.” Tony ran his hands through his hair. “The world needs disorder, though. Without disorder, there can be no order. Without evil, there is no good. He’s a pain in the ass, but he is necessary.

“Horus, on the other hand, is the god of hunting and war, both of which require no small amount of tenacity. So in between bouts of adorableness that could make anybody’s heart melt, ze acts as Osiris’s vengeance. Ze will not stop until one of them is dead for good. And that’s just kinda what Horus does.”

“And paying for funerals is what you do?” Natasha mused.

Tony nodded. “I am the god of the dead,” he stated. “I help to usher the souls to the afterlife, and I attend the scale upon which those souls will be weighed.” He smiled ruefully at them. “They called me the Merchant of Death and nobody realizes just how close they were.”

Bucky reached over and slung his arm around Tony’s shoulder, pulling his lover close. “Well,” he began. “I survived meeting your family.”

“You know, as meetings with in-laws go, this wasn’t all that bad,” Clint agreed.

“Be happy you didn’t have to meet Bucky’s aunt Roberta,” Steve put in. “She was a nightmare, her and her three kids…” He shuddered. Bucky flipped him off, but didn’t disagree; Aunt Roberta had been pretty terrible and her children had been absolute monsters…

“So, I feel I did pretty well,” Bucky ended, grinning.

“Don’t celebrate too much,” Tony cautioned. “You still have to meet my friends.” He looked up at Bucky, smirking viciously. “They’re _much_ worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seth was a complete bitch to write. I had a basic idea of him, but he kept growing extra bits that needed to be expressed. This is why we got the bit with the nail polish and why he had to ask about Loki and address Thor. I just needed him to show up, be a douche, and pick a fight with Horus, but nooooooo...
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> In regards to the magic words, I couldn't get the fonts to transfer properly, so you guys get gibberish instead.
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> Thanks for reading!


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